A Journey

It's been several months...maybe even years, since I started my rest from church, partly due to the incessant expectation that one's spiritual journey required the addition of church related extra-curricular activities to my already busy life.

Recently, I've started attending an Episcopalian Church. It's not a mainstream Episcopalian church by any means. It's not a mainstream church, period. It embraces homosexuals. It embraces all people who are on a spiritual journey, desiring to be a safe place for that search. Perhaps it is the best place for me right now where I'm at spiritually. On a journey.

Another reason I left the mainstream church is feeling like I was told who to "hate."

One of the things that's disturbing to me, now standing outside of the mainstream church and its beliefs, is the passion with which some mainstream christians seem to fervently dislike (=hate) homosexuals.

Disclaimer: When I refer to homosexuals, I am referring to two persons
of the same sex who are in a committed monogomous relationship with
each other.

Taken one step further, it's the generic act of elevating one sin over another as the chosen sin to hate that irks me. I wonder if the mainstream church knows (or cares) that it has segregated an entire segment of people who love God?

Have I hesitated to bring to church a gay friend who is open to knowing God for fear that they'd sense that judgement or hatred? Of course. Heck, sometimes we Christians do a good enough job of making people feel badly (or at least self-conscious) about their sin that the Holy Spirit doesn't have a chance to start working on their hearts.

Anti-homosexuality-ism was present in my 25+ years' experience as a "born again" Christian, so much so that when I look at my new "Pastor" (called "Vicar" in the Episcopalian church), I find myself saying silently, "oh, she's gay!" (not even, "oh, she's a woman!") Or about "that" lesbian couple at church on Sunday, "oh, they're lesbians." It's like they were lepers.

And (THIS IS MOST IMPORTANTLY) why do I never think, "Oh, he's the gossiper!" "Oh, there's that shoplifter!" "Oh, she's the one who masturbates!" "I wonder what sin he's hiding!"

So does God hate homosexuals so much more than he hates gossipers or adulterers or lusters or shoplifters, that that gives us license to judge the homosexuals? No.

I just don't get it. And I'm not saying that homosexuality is "right." I still don't know. I do know I do not hate gay people, even though my religious upbringing has told me that they are not normal. How often have I heard the phrase, "hate the sin, but love the sinner."

And in fact, the phrase exists because we do tend to WANT to hate the sinner! Really we do. I want to hate child molesters. I want to hate alcoholics, especially if they beat their spouse in the midst of a huge drinking binge. I really want to hate someone who tells lies about me or gossips about me (and I admit it...I don't hate them if they gossip or lie about someone else!).

Somehow, there may a different effect depending on the particular sin involved. It may be more difficult to love the sinner if he/she happens to be a homosexual. Doctrine and church leader opinions have been written about homosexuals and their non-role in the church for decades. Somehow, the fact that doctrine and opinions are abundant on this particular topic -- and much less abundant on other sins -- seems to elevate homosexuality as something more "worthy" of such doctrine and opinion.

And the phrase, "hate the sin, love the sinner," has somehow been adapted to the particular sin or sinner, as we see a singling out of homosexuals as opposed to singling out of other sinners such as gossipers, molesters, etc., to the same extent that we love those who have other sins because we have put qualifications on where they can minister or worship that we've simply never (or rarely) put on other types of sinners. Perhaps "hate the sin, love the sinner (except for the homosexual)" would be more accurate.

Somehow, separating the perceived sin of homosexuality from the homosexual is difficult for us to do, as evidenced in our separation of the homosexual from our mainstream churches because of their homosexuality.

Jesus said you are just as guilty of murder when you just think about hating someone! Ouch!

All of these sinners are allowed to fellowship with us in mainstream christianity because, after all, they are not their sin. And heck, several sins are concealable so that no one gets in trouble as long as no one finds out! I admit have my hidden sins...and my not-so-hidden ones.

So where do we get off labeling homosexuality as the one great big bad sin of all sins that prohibits someone from ministry or deserving of our judgement?

I noticed from Sunday's sermon that Jesus talked about doing whatever you need to do in order to make sure you get to heaven:

• Mark 9:43-47 If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than with two hands to go into hell, where the fire never goes out.[a] 45And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life crippled than to have two feet and be thrown into hell.[b] 47And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. (NIV)

Take home point: You are responsible for how your own sin takes you away from God...and dealing with it (and usually, in a fairly radical way). But do we see these remedies preached to the mainstream of us who manifest these sins? We are quite good at pointing out someone else's sin that we think will keep them out of heaven...and then telling them what they need to do about it!

Have we somehow classifed various sins in their offense towards man? To God, they're all 100% nauseating. And for those who believe that homosexuality is a sin, they would agree it's 100% nauseating to God. But would they apply the same fervor towards all the other sins? Especially, to their own?

A theory: The Church has traditionally been dominated by men. Straight men naturally hate it when men make a pass at them. Since there are more straight men than gay men who make rules...especially in "the church," the straight men's rules are what dominate.

And interestingly, the men in power being part of the brotherhood of all men didn't necessarily excommunicate their gay brothers from the church. Instead, we see an acceptable mode of existence for gay men in the "straight man's" church. It's labeled spiritually as "a Godly calling" of being a monk or priest or nun or sister. They are looked at as holy in their renunciation of all things sexual...when in actuality, we know that some priests can have a fairly active gay lifestyle with other men and/or boys. And I'm sure it extends to some of the women and lesbian relationships. (and I am not saying ALL priests or nuns are gay...it's just a safer place for gay men and women who desire to follow God and not "get discovered.")

And to further bolster the theory that the REAL PROBLEM is not someone's acting out on their gayness in general...the REAL PROBLEM is acting out one's gayness in a way that threats heterosexual males.

Why would I hypothesize this? Well, it seems from reports in the media that the Catholic church has a history of hiding the homosexual sins of its priests. Reports of priests molesting young boys which manage to leak out of the Catholic church are met with the stunning revelation that this has been going on for a long time and that the straight men in power have overlooked it...

WHY???????????

Perhaps because the homosexual activity wasn't directed at them, the straight men.

Now, wouldn't you think that if the straight men in the Catholic church really believed that homosexuality was as bad as they make it out to be, they'd take a more rasher action than simply paying off the family of the molested child and then moving the priest to a different parish.

We hate to be lied to. But do the men in power demand that tounges be cut out? No. Why?

We hate gossip. But gossip doesn't challenge masculinity, so gossipers aren't de-tounged. Why?
It is all so puzzling how man's beliefs, attitudes, fears, etc., have driven the "rules" of the church and people have accepted them as gospel for centuries. My oh, my.

So after all of this rambling (if you've made it this far) what I am saying is that homosexuality has risen above the other sins as being the most dreadful for Christians to have to deal with because the men that have led the church for eons were/are not comforatable having gay men in their midst for fear of getting "hit on." So, some have neatly created priesthoods for the gay believers to go into, which comes with a vow of celibacy and thus, protects the heterosexual men in leadership from having to deal with it. They don't really hate the sinner (the homosexual)...otherwise the wouldn't have given them a station in the church (the priesthood) from which to pursue/serve God.

Perhaps it is time for me to re-read the scriptures for myself and see what is really said about all this hatred that I feel the church seems to preach and what my response is to be. Even if the object of their hatred is "worth hating," I think we're supposed to leave the hating up to God. Really, only He is able to love the sinner and hate the sin...and extract the spirit of the sinner from the effects of sin.