Starting

I have a long-time desire to publish a written work, either a novel or poetry or well, anything. Problem is, I just can't get started. I know, I should sit and write daily regardless of what comes out. Problem really is, I think I'm afraid that what comes out won't be perfect the first time.

Crazy, I know, because it won't come out perfect. I just need to dive in and do it. I've done enough self-reflection over the years to realize the root of my fear:

My mom picked me up from kindergarten one day and she praised a picture of a snowman I'd drawn. She said, "Why don't you show Daddy?"

So when we got home, I proudly marched up to my father who was sitting in his avocado-green leatherette chair and proudly whipped my out my 17"x11" manilla colored paper depicting a wintertime landscape of snowflakes falling on a snowman.

"That's not what snowflakes look like," he said, analyzing the white circles I'd painstakingly spaced equally across the winter sky with a white Crayola crayon.

...and that's all I remember of that moment.

I think the trauma of the situation has stifled my ability to create, for fear that the first iteration of whatever it is, will not be perfect. I've created lovely paintings inside of my head, and written musicals and novels in my mind...all to be admired and enjoyed by the only one who won't criticize.

As a stepmom of four children, I have had the opportunity to conscienciously protect and encourage the child-like creativity in them over the past 10 years. The challenge now lies, however, in nuturing my own inner child towards creating...once again.