Down 113 pounds!

JANUARY 2008 - 211 lbs (down 113 lbs!)















MAY 2007 - "BEFORE"

APPROVED!

Word came today that I am approved for surgery by HealthNet! The waiting has been difficult. Not knowing if I would REALLY be moving towards my new me has made it difficult to plan and dream. But now, I'm released to plan and dream all I want! I am a planner and a dreamer by nature.

I've found myself uncomfortable with my current body in recent weeks around other people, wanting to scream, "this is only temporary...I'll have a brand new body in a few months!" Kind of funny, because I've always been ok with my current body, having learned to live with it and overlook comments (which mostly came from my parents). I've not really felt ostracized by society for my weight. My youngest daughter told me that I didn't need to lose weight (she is sweet).

A driving force to lose weight is to feel better and be able to enjoy the life that I have left with more energy. I'm turning 50 in December...somehow that's a milestone for me. I feel like my body is 70. If I can roll it back to just 50, I'd be happy! Ha!

There will be side benefits to improved health, including looking good at my kids' graduations and weddings, enjoying the startled looks from friends who I haven't seen for a while, new clothing. Acceptance by my father (whoa, that's a biggie). Finding out who the skinny me is.

The journey starts now.

Emergence

I am moving forward...again.

After two months in limbo over insurance changes, I am now moving towards my new future. I have emerged from a difficult time of waiting. It has been hard. I had to tuck away the dreams of my future while at the mercy of others who would determine my fate. God has been faithful, in spite of my faithlessness.

I guess this serves me by making me realize how much I really do want change in my life to occur. I hope that I am not dreaming needlessly. Perhaps the changes will occur inside of me more than on my outside!

It amazes me how much a person has to be their own healthcare system advocate in a country that purports to be so on top of everything. I have dealt with people who could not answer my questions -- or would not answer them. I felt at times like I was foraging ahead in darkness, my speed dictated by the temperment of the person who answered the phone. I will no longer ruminate on the past. That is done. The future is ahead.

I will embrace it with every ounce of my being.

JUNE 5, 2007

The wait is over. Finally. Surgery will be on Tuesday June 5th.

Lots to philosophise about with this whole waiting concept. What good came? What bad came? Was it easy (He## no!). Did I crumble under pressure? A couple of times.

More to come.

WAAAIIIITTT! Wait!

I received a call from my surgeon's office last Friday. Apparently, the bottom line is I'm "too insured!" I have HealthNet HMO through my job and my husband has Blue Cross PPO through his job. I am covered on his policy in addition to mine. My HealthNet medical group is Brown & Toland. The bariatric surgeon I want (Dr. Wetter) is in the Mills Peninsula Medical Group of HealthNet. My husband's insurance, being a PPO, allows me to go to whomever accepts Blue Cross PPO (and Dr. Wetter does).

The problem is, BCPPO is not "my" primary insurance. My primary insurance is HealthNet HMO. So BCPPO is requiring a denial letter from HealthNet before they'll agree to pay for Dr. Wetter.





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I've had to request that my primary care physician (Dr. Yan) send HealthNet a request for me to see Dr. Wetter -- retroactive to January.

Which brings me to my topic: waiting

It is really frustrating to have finally made the decision and plans to have this surgery, been given an actual surgery date, and then to be told "oops! we didn't realize that HealthNet was your primary and Blue Cross was only your secondary insurance." I guess I should be happy to find that out BEFORE surgery, otherwise I could have been faced with hospital bill in the tens of thousands of dollars.

I dream about who I will be when I emerge from the body that I've inhabited for so many years now. I am like a bride anticipating the goodness that lies ahead for her. Perhaps this delay is to increase my hunger for the good things; to serve as a memory for inspiration for when things get tough and I find myself wanting to give up years from now. Things always seem to have more value when you've had to wait for them, or had to earn them.

Somehow, the concept of waiting conjures up an image of standing still, anticipating that the desired thing will come to me. Instead, perhaps the waiting is a "pressing on," moving forward toward the goal I so desire. When one presses the button and waits, there is action: the pressing. Something is going to result from the action of pressing the button; and that "something" would not start to happen unless that button was first pressed.

So while insurance company employees battle it out over who will have the privilege of escorting me into the beginning of my new life, I will press forward and wait. That which I desire, exists in the continuum of time; we are moving towards one another. God's timing is perfect. One doesn't know the disasters averted that will occur on March 14th; a slipped scalpel, a drowsy surgeon?

I will follow in the spirit, where the Spirit leads. I will not give up hope. I will not lose courage. Climbing up out of a mire requires strength and constant determination. Perhaps it will be the same strength and determination that will allow me to keep the goal once I reach it.




Peace.

The Date

March 14, 2007 will be the day that changes my life forever.

Being born in December 1957 means that I was conceived in March of 1957.

Fifty years later, a new me will be conceived in March in 2007. My new self will be realized by December 2007.

American Society for Bariatric Surgery
http://www.asbs.

I saw my bariatric surgeon on Monday February 5th. He was elated that I'd successfully lost 12 pounds in the prior 4 weeks. To him, it was a sign that I could do it...could follow his instructions and lose weight. He was also elated to see that my diabetes was very out of control as evidenced by my HgA1c result in December that was over 11. Normal is under 7. Evidence that bariatric surgery would help me.

I attended a support group on Saturday February 3rd for patients considering bariatric surgery or those who had been through it. It was very interesting. One normal weighted woman had taken off 320 pounds in 2 years. One fellow had lost 70+ pounds since his surgery in November. Another woman had lost 160 lbs. Another, 200lb.

I must say that of those considering or awaiting bariatric surgery, I was one of the smaller people there, weighing in at 312. Imagine that. One fellow was probably 600 pounds and had to stand up during the meeting. He would fall asleep leaning against a wall as he stood due to sleep apnea. He was only 25, but his world would be opening up for him soon.

Parts of my life will radically change. I am thankful to have a husband who adores me and supports me in my decision to pursue bariatric surgery. I am thankful to have a job that challenges me. I am not looking for those areas to change much, although increased energy will definitely have a positive impact on my work life and my personal life.

What will change most drastically is my body size. Like I said in a previous post, I've never known myself as a thin person. I think in my head, I may be a thin person, though. I really do like myself already. I will probably grow to like people more, just because I'll feel more confident to be around them somehow.

Part of this process has been to see a counselor. I had to be psychologically evaluated prior to establishing a surgery date. My counselor told me I had no psychological issues to worry about. I had to tell her what my "disorder" was, as she wasn't able to pinpoint it. Compulsive overeating. That was it. The big issue to deal with...and why I'm still seeing her...is to figure out what triggers my desire to overeat and then figure out how to deal with those triggers post-surgery since I will be unable to eat in response to the triggers. Literally physically unable to eat in response.

My stomach will be the size of an egg. My intestinal re-working will cause me to feel sick if I endulge in "bad" foods like sugars and carbohydrates. By the way, this is why I chose the "Roux-en-Y" procedure to begin with, rather than the lap band. The lap band is a ring that is placed around the top portion of your stomach with a port they fill with saline to constrict the stomach so that there is a very small hole that allows food to move from the small upper stomach out into the larger stomach and on through the GI track.

First it seemed like kind of a little weird to picture a very tight necktie around the upper portion of my stomach, constricting the organ into an opening that's about 1.5 centimeters in diameter. Secondly, there is no deterrent to eating incorrectly. Sugars, carbs, all of it are tolerated. Sure, you have to eat a little at a time, but there's no limit to the amount of food one can take in while grazing throughout one's waking hours!! No. I need that threat of explosive diarrhea and stomach cramps to steer me away from my trigger foods. Heck, if I didn't have a problem with certain foods, I wouldn't have needed this surgery to begin with. Duh.

So my procedure will involve cutting my stomach pouch and stitching it up so that it's the size of an egg. Then, the outlet from that new stomach will be reconnected to a place that bypasses several feet of my small intestine. The small stomach causes you to feel full faster and the section of your small intestine that's responsible for absorbing most of the calories you eat is bypassed. So for the first 6-10 months (the "honeymoon" period), you lose weight at an incredible pace. After the honeymoon period, your body wakes up (incredible as it is) and begins to compensate for the fact that a portion of the small intestine was bypassed...and it begins to absorb the calories you take in at a lower portion of the intestinal track. It's like it says hey, we cannot go on in this starvation mode forever!

Some people lose 10-20 lbs a month during this honeymoon period. Of course, if you increase your activity during that time (which is MUCH easier as you become physically lighter), that also helps to burn what calories you absorb as well as bumping up your basal metabolic rate. It's all quite fascinating.

The recovery period is 2-3 weeks. The surgery is done laparoscopally via five small incisions in the abdomen. The first several weeks post op require you to eat liquids and creamy foods like cream soups, yogurt, cottage cheese, eggs, etc. Fortunately, I love heatlhy foods. Then there is a phase where you slowly introduce solid foods. Chewing things to a pulp is a requirement unless you want to be throwing up all the time! Ha!

My surgeon -- Dr. Albert L. Wetter -- has performed this procedure over 1200 times. I will be at El Camino Hospital in Mountain View for 2 nights. It is a "Center of Expertise" as required by my health insurance. My insurance covers 90% of the costs. How fortunate am I?

Incredibly!

Who Will I Be?

I had a trippy thought today.

I was looking at before & after pictures of people who have had bariatric surgery and lost 100+ pounds and I thought, hmmm, that's who they really are as I looked at their thin pictures.

Then I realized that I don't know who I really am.

Some people know their thin selves, as they b

ecame overweight in adulthood. They know what they're travelling back to. But I've never been thin. I was always an over weight child who grew into a morbidly obese adult. I've never seen my "thin self." Ever. I hope I have a "thin self!"

And of course, there's the inner self that goes along with the thin self that will also be different...it has to be different. Living inside of a body you like (finally) has to make your inside self different.

I'm on a journey to someone I've never met.

Trippy.